Uber has-been Michael Jackson is determined to top “Thriller” with his comeback album. WHAT?! Does anyone even know he makes music anymore? The 50-year-old is SO desperate to ensure his comeback is a success, he has reportedly told songwriters he won’t release the LP unless it is up to the same standard as his 1982 smash-hit album. Dude, your career is as dead as your nose. Get over it.

Rapper Ne-Yo, who is working on the record, said: “Michael’s new album has to be amazing. This album needs to be better than ‘Thriller’. He wants killer melodies. I’ve already submitted some songs but we have no idea when it’s coming out. He keeps putting it off.” AS IF! Why is Ne-Yo wasting his time on Jacko?

The rapper revealed Michael - who has become increasingly reclusive since he was acquitted of child sex charges at his 2005 trial - is incredibly nervous at the prospect of re-launching his career. Ne-Yo added to Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper: “Michael is very nervous as he knows he’s the underdog and people want him to fail. It’s tough when all eyes are on him and there is so much young competition out there.”

The young star, who has written hits for Rihanna and Beyonce, also admitted he was terrified at the prospect of meeting Michael, who he has looked up to since he was a child. HA! I’m sure he was terrified for other reasons though, as everyone should be!

Celebrities Involved: Michael Jackson, Ne-Yo